is there anybody out there?

feels like this place is staright dead to me. like a nuke came down and wipe this place out clean with all the people fleeing and dying. And I might be right after the discontinuation of flipnote hatena. today, i feel fine. woke up this morning cold and stiff and it wasn't pleasant, had a shower then cooked a hot  dog for breakfast. I still feel cold and i've been wearing a jacket the whole time as I came to school now. I don't know how long i can go on with this blogging. I'll try my best and see how far I go.



lets be optimistic today for once. today i going to be an amazing day. i think i'll do finish the artwork i've been neglecting for so long. it feels good being grateful. maybe i should write a story, submit a poem on my journal. things seem to be going fine on deviantart. i'm finally getting the hang of it. who cares what i do, i make the decisions to do what ever I want. no more of me being controlled and small. i'm going to improve on everything i can get my hands on. being optimistic is awesome. I love my life. everything will be perfect, everything will be fine for me. I don't like to say i'm crazy, therre might be no one out there. i'm fine, i feel isolated enough that i think i've found something epic. everything will be much more better for me. life is amazing. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHhhhhhh

Pink Floyd The final cut

This song speaks to me and the words will speak for themselves and i know some people i used to know, he's a good friend and I hope he hasn't commited it after his parents found out. Its sort of a shout out to him, used to call him swifty. i've done many regretful things, that caused me to isolate myself from the world and build a wall that i can't seem to tear down.


Through the fish-eyed lens of tear stained eyes
I can barely define the shape of this moment in time
And far from flying high in clear blue skies
I'm spiraling down to the hole in the ground where I hide.

If you negotiate the minefield in the drive
And beat the dogs and cheat the cold electronic eyes
And if you make it past the shotgun in the hall,
Dial the combination, open the priest hole
And if I'm in I'll tell y..(cut from shotgun blast)

There's a kid who had a big hallucination
Making love to girls in magazines.
He wonders if you're sleeping with your new found faith.
Could anybody love him
Or is it just a crazy dream?

And if I show you my dark side
Will you still hold me tonight?
And if I open my heart to you
And show you my weak side
What would you do?
Would you sell your story to Rolling Stone?
Would you take the children away
And leave me alone?
And smile in reassurance
As you whisper down the phone?
Would you send me packing?
Or would you take me home?

(guitar solo)

Thought I oughta bare my naked feelings,
Thought I oughta tear the curtain down.
I held the blade in trembling hands
Prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut.

entry #2

well, insanity starting to get the best of me, and now im here at school not doing my work typing on the computer.  don't think i'll graduate this year. and thats ok, i never want to look back and say; oh i was such a loser back in high school, a loner, a quiet shy childish kid. i did changed but that was last year, and when i came back, this whole shyness started again. i was at the top of my time, I could talk, i could feel confident and now its gone. i just need to write my feeligns down somehwerre and it might as well not be around my friends or on a word document here at school.  Sigh... it's 10;05 am central time where I am. 24/02/2015.  i try to smile and hide the pain. i know they can't do anything about it. i went through therapy about suicide before, tha was from bullying, but now it's different, now it's from isolation and decay of my mind. it feels good to get this all out. i don't think anyone else is here on ince i'm going to another entry for tomorrow. i'm fine. im not dead yet. see ya tomorrow! ;)

blog entry #1

i'm a bit unsure what to write first, maybe for first impressions. idk. idk guys. if there is anybody out there. hello then. it's been awhile since my last visit here in hatena. sometimes, actually i really miss flinpnote hatena. those were the golden days. ;3